Chicago's Newest Hoarders

News outlets have been buzzing about the South Side couple who recently had to be rescued from piles of their own junk by the fire department.

It might sound funny at first, but the story has a tragic turn. But my deepest sympathies are reserved for the people who have to clean up this mess.

Amusing quote from the linked article: "There was no indication this was a house full of debris. We had no way of knowing what was inside that house."

Unless you took one look at the outside.

South Side Ranch Dressing

If you ever find yourself fortunate enough to be the owner of a mid-sixties ranch, here are a few things you should have in it.

The kitchen is the heart of the home, and should have some vibrant wallpaper.

If you can find some with vases and coffee grinders highlighted in gold glitter, all the better.

When there's original hardware on the cabinets, keep it.

Have a comfortable spot for reading, relaxation and reflection. That upholstery is vinyl, and will clean up nicely with just a damp cloth.

Keep a small library of books that are important to you.

This collection -- Europe on $15 a Day, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, The Total Woman, Aphrodisiacs and The Sensuous Couple -- is perfect for anyone hoping to rekindle the passion in their marriage with an overseas vacation.

A wood-paneled basement makes a good spot to have friends over to play cards.

(Note: This was the third house that day with a basement kitchen. Sometimes on these trips things get repeated. You might see the same lamps in two different houses, for example. Today, it was basement kitchens.)

Here's how this lighting fixture works: First you put plants in the pots; ivy would be nice. Then you turn on the light. Then everyone goes "ahhh."

And for the total experience, be sure to wear the proper attire.