A (Mc)Mansion in Glenview

Oh, my upper-income tax bracket.

This is quite possibly the grandest home I've ever been in. Calling it a McMansion actually feels unfair, because it was that opulent.

Wherever you live, whatever your own home is like, brace yourselves and prepare to feel inadequate.

We entered through a three-car garage, where this was just laying around waiting for the junk man to cart it off.

This is the entrance from the garage. Not very impressive, I know. But step around that corner on the left and...

What a kitchen. Let's take a closer look.

Double stove. Eight burners. Griddle in the middle. And the biggest stainless steel hood I've ever seen.

And here's the double refrigerator to match.

This may be a built-in cappuccino maker. Or a machine that makes every morning perfect.

We have that same faucet in our kitchen! Only ours is the cheap knock-off version.

Here's an alternate view.

Taken from what was probably a family room.

Which was right across from what was too large to call a breakfast nook.

And led to this sitting area.

That faced the formal dining room.

The pool room was nearby.

Which, by no coincidence I'm sure, looked out onto the actual pool.

But wait, as they like to say on the infomercials. There's more.

Let's go upstairs.

But not these front stairs. They're off limits for the likes of you and me.

We'll take the servants' stairs. This is where they lead.

This big room was to the left.

With this big-screen TV. But this wasn't merely a big room.

It was a big suite.

With this big bathroom. I'm not sure, but I think that's a see-through counter top.

How much would you pay for a house like this? I wondered, so I looked it up. $2.85 million.

For that price you get this green bedroom with leopard skin carpet and its own bathroom.

And this lavender bedroom with leopard skin carpet and its own bathroom.

You also receive this fantastic second-floor laundry room.

And this shower, which I'm pretty sure is just for dogs.

At the top of those grand front stairs we saw earlier was an off-limits hallway with two more doors leading to two more suites.

Let's go back down the servants' stairs to the basement, where there's something I think you're going to like.

Oh my American dream. That's a glassed-in hot tub that seats at least ten.

With this beautiful second kitchen right across from it.

Yeah. There's a huge wine cellar through that door.

Here's what the whole thing looks like...

From the vantage point of this enormous screening room.

We're almost finished. Just one more photo, one more caption.

I bet she was. Oh, boy. Do I.