Chicago Time Capsule

For any child of the '70s or '80s, this place was a treasure-filled walk down memory lane.

It didn't start off that way, however. The main bedroom was the usual mix of old linens...

... assorted vanity paraphernalia...

... and a surprisingly artful arrangement of purses.

This was my first clue that there were treasures somewhere to be found. I owned this exact same camera as a boy.

Naturally, I headed downstairs, to see what I could see.

Moonlight Mushrooms are scientifically cultured. Why, there's absolutely nothing natural about them!

Someone certainly does know how to hang on to shampoo, through good times and bad. I don't think I've seen a bottle of L'Oreal Ultra Rich since the Reagan administration.

You could have bought this entire collection for about $5.00 -- and never worried about dry skin again.

If you're going to get this painting of flowers...

... you might as well pick up the TV trays to go with it.

I thought I was finished at this point.

Then someone told me there was an attic. This is where the real goodies were stored.

This lovely specimen of mid-century lighting technology -- priced at just $6.00 -- greeted me at the top of the stairs. I picked it up immediately and didn't let it out of my sight.

Dig that crazy patchwork linoleum. Each one on its own would have been a great example of late-thirties/early-forties flooring design. Pieced together, they were kind of breath-taking.

There was an unused bathroom in the attic, and the tub was filled with forgotten beauty aids.

This Mist and Style Beauty Comb by Northern was probably just the thing to give your bangs a flip back in the mid-seventies. With two, I suppose your styling time was cut in half.

Why American Star didn't become a household name is beyond me. They were obviously doing everything right.

I have no idea what this coy beauty was demonstrating, but I'm betting its use wasn't limited to shoulders.

One hot water bottle is understandable. Two is defensible. But three -- juxtaposed with a box of extra absorbent Depend undergarments -- is just upsetting.

Let's move on to the small kitchen appliances department. The Presto Hot Dogger serves up delicious, hot dog enjoyment with none of the mess or bother of actually boiling water. What could be more convenient, aside from just eating the damned thing raw?

The Exeter Twin Hamburger and Sandwich Grill "fries hamburgers in 1-2-3 minutes." Three minutes for well-done, two minutes for rare, and one minute for e-coli and all the fixin's.

In addition to hating Blue Cross Blue Shield of Illinois for profiting off the misery of others, we can now add the Services In the Neighborhood for Seniors program, and its god-awful acronym. How many overpaid marketing geniuses did it take to come up with -- and approve -- this travesty?


And finally: I remember this game when it was originally sold in stores. It had never been opened, but still seemed overpriced at $18.00, so I let it go.

Purchased: Mid-century lamp, $6.00.